So yea... I've been talking to this kid for a lil while now and I am getting confused. He gives me mixed signals all the time. I just dont' understand. He'll tell me that he's sooo happy to wake up next to me and that he misses me and that he wants to kno everything about me. Then he said once that me and him were going to be one the couples Fear Factor & i just said.. oh really.. how can you do that if we're not a couple. & he was like maybe we'll be one by then. We're not dating yet because I think that he is still thinkin about his ex. Also because he tries to do so many things that i just wouldn't do. He tried to get with my roomie and I was like oh hell no! I am not going to just go out and put myself up to be hurt once again. We fight like almost all the time. Then there are those other moments where we're soo happy. Like he'lljust go and hold my hand out of no where or when we're going to sleep he'll complain and want to be held. It's soo nice to kno that there is a guy who is vulnerable and wants you there. This is such a turn on. Then there are things that like I am risking.. he smokes & i would never even think aboutb dating someone who smokes... and i am considering it... what's going on!?!??! I'm happy that things have been alright and that we have fought because if you don't fight then you don't really get to see how the person reacts. There have been plenty of fights that I can begin to figure him out. It's been difficult but I'm working on it. I have told him a few things that i have never EVERRRRRRRR told a guy before. I jsut don't open up because I have lived a difficult life and that is not what I want people to judge me by. I have to give him add props because he's gotten some outta me and I have done the same to him. Or so he says, he tells me things then will say that I feel lucky that he shared or showed me things because he has never showed other people that part of him before.... not even in his 5 year relationship that he used to have. Then there is the whole race part. He is black and I am white but he's like i have only dated spanish or latina girls..... he doesn't usually go for white or black girls. I was a bit shocked and offended but he's like you're different..... I'm not so sure and i am just taking things slow.... I have to. It is nice to have someone who is not on campus to help keep my head thinkin healthily. I was dealing with ALOT of drama here at Southern and I needed to get away. I tried a thing at UNH but i wasn't getting too far. he never really talked to me much but I think that it is bad that I still think about him sometimes.....like more than the guy that I am talking to... Oh well.... Life is life and your mind and heart are going to do what they wanna do no matter if it is what you want them to do or not. Everything happens for a reason.......


OK away from guys and all that emotional stuff......wait.... things have been real shitty at home. i mean real shitty but lets not talk about that.... its stuff that you keep on the inside and that doesn't need to be told to anyone.....


Well here we go about my excitement..... I am completely obsessed with BabyPhat as you all know and something AMAZING happened to me today.... I bought Kimora Lee Simmons book. I started reading it and I think that its going to be amazin. I love her with all my heart... I just do!!! Its called fabulosity and its all about how you can make your life positive no matter what....also how you can focus your dreams and ambitions and make sure that they are going to come true. It is a self-improvement book. I am soo excited because it came out only a week ago and at a time in my life where I was really questioning what I wanna do and where I am going in my life. I am just in need of this book and I am ready to read and complete it!!!!!